Thursday, July 2, 2009
It ain't my problem anymore!
NOTE : Chances are that the content of this post may offend some of you, so STOP here!
Of late, I’ve been observing people and their behavior closely. Recently, during my trip to Dehradun, there were enough instances in the course of those 2 days which almost made me put my hands over my ears and say “ La, la, go on... I can’t hear you!” Guess, many a times, ignorance is bliss :) So they say.
Like on several other occasions, at several other places, I’ve had people trying to remind me [directly or indirectly] of where I come from, of my actions & the consequences that they may lead to, reminding me of how my opinions may at times be wrong [ Well, did I ever say they can't? ] At times, I wonder why do people [ & no, I am not referring to any one person in specific] around me constantly have to pester me to tell them why I feel the way I do, why I do what I do? Why do you expect me to explain myself to you all the time? I don’t wanna say this, but why can’t people just mind their own business? For me its almost impossible to deal with intrusive, pushy people who impose themselves on me way beyond they are supposed to. At times, it just gets so annoying and I almost feel like screaming at them. In fact, this afternoon, I even did!
But may be, what some people just can't understand is the fact that such things do bother me. I have my own set of values and standards that I strive to live up to. Do I expect everyone to live up to MY standards? Hell, no! That's the way it should be. That's the way it is. It's part of who I am. I grant you the freedom to be any kind of "-ist" you want to be and while I may not agree with you, I won't go around trying to change people. And, I don't feel that anyone should change me, either. I stay true to my beliefs, you stay true to yours. Niether do I go looking for converts to my world view, and so will I also not be converted to world views that I don't agree with.
I am happy with my choices as well as my decisions, so is my family & so are my friends and, that is ALL that matters to me. If at all I am answerable to anyone, then I'm only to these selected few & nobody else . If anyone out there thinks that I’m gonna rely on their validation for everything I do, or for everything they thought I should do, then I am sorry since I just can’t do it. Not anymore because I’ve stopped trying to turn my life into what everyone else around me thought it needed to be- the things that had been programmed into me for so long. I don't have to be interested in all the same things that even my friends and family are into. I know I gotta follow my heart and do what's best for me. And that’s just what I plan to do.
One fine day I came to a point where I asked myself- “Do their opinions really matter to me in anyways?” And the answer I got was : It doesn't matter what people think because YOU have to live with your descisions and other people don't. Initially, I used to get affected by all this but now I'm slowly (and thankfully) pulling away from what other people want me to be or think or do or the manner in which they want me to lead my life. They just need to know that their thinking ain't gonna change a thing about me or what I do. If they like my attitude, if they like me for what I am, great! But if they don't, I can't change their minds and they certainly cannot change mine. It's much easier to be honest about yourself, and to yourself, then concerning yourself with how you may appear to others.
I know I screw things up, I know I am stubborn, and I can even be obnoxious with my opinions but I'm human. I know I try, I know I fail, but yet I am content being who I am and the way I am and even with all my faults, with all my flaws & with all my quirks, I am comfortable in my skin. Go ahead, think the way you like, judge me if you please- I don't care! If you don’t like me the way I am, nobody is asking you to look!!
Now like my other friend, some of you might also be wondering what exactly I am trying to bring out with this post, so don't blow your brains and just know that it is only my resentment towards some people who, of late, have been forming flimsy and unwarranted opinions about me [& even worse- about things related to me] and hence this vexation that had been smothered for long.
Anyways, now I feel somewhat mollified after airing it all.
Posted by Anubha at 11:00 PM