Wednesday, February 10, 2010
V-Day is here!
There are days when you have this longing for something- for someone, right out of the blue- like the past week it was this craving for rich dark chocolate and then the next day, this baby craving suddenly hit me. The two however, had no relation whatsoever!! Don't get me wrong! Peculiar as it may sound, but as a matter of fact I love babies and that day, all of a sudden I wanted to hold one in my arms and caress her, see those twinkling eyes and that lovely smile. Weird? Yes, maybe... And similarly today, I had this gripping desire to do something outright crazy, something exciting to help shake this empty and dreary feeling I've been having lately.
I wanted to slap somebody really hard today, wanted to pull someone's hair and this someone wasn't any specific person, just in case you thought. I am glad I did both today because had I not, then I would have been miserable. Was no better until evening but still. So thank you guys [Abhi, Mayank n Sharni :)] for being so very patient with me and today in particular. I wanted to speak my heart out, say all the things that have been on my mind & down there in my heart, but my fears and doubts prevented me from doing so. But today I actually did that. Ok-Ok!! I mean kinda, because many more desires, feelings, doubts and opinions still lie down there, layered and concealed. I want them to surface and annoying as it gets for others, so does it for me but trust me, it's not all that easy for me. You better dig deep because otherwise there's no way you can know what's really on my mind and how I feel.
Sometimes you just feel you have to let it out, but due to certain situations and events you hold yourself back until you reach the threshold. You stay silent but then it fills you to the brim and then you wish to share it with someone who can hear you patiently, never judging you, never questioning, not caring what the world and it's people think of you or how you carry yourself or the words you speak. I'm fortunate to have such friends who are tolerant enough to deal with me when I'm cranky, lift me up when I'm down and not to forget- one's who irritate me to no end when I'm all calm and composed :P But I'm delighted to have this lot of my special few in life...Blessed actually.
Today was terrible- one that started with fears and apprehensions that continued to nag me for the rest of my day, until late this evening when I could sort out some of those in order to have a peaceful night's sleep. Some still remain- like an element of doubt about something somewhere but I choose not to talk about it here. The day has ended pretty well, atleast I got a good dose of laughter and that should hopefully keep my spirits up tommorrow, something I seriously doubted back this morning. I thought I would tag this post "V-day" because this day was vapid and vacuous in the truest sense of the word but now here I am, scribbling down my words in the wee hours of the morning, hopeful for yet another morning sun, and positive that this day won't be disappointing as the last few turned out to be. There is so much to accomplish and much further to go & the worst part is that there's a huge traffic jam already! But who cares?? I may be slow but I know I'm steady and I'm here to stay.
As far as Valentine's day is concerned- I think I am already saving for the best. Love has always been in my soul. And I know I qualify as a needful person for love and togetherness with someone who actually will raise me above the rest, someday, somewhere...
I am not desperate, not in the least, and will wait for you- just give me the right setting, the right you and the right time and maybe, we can consider you then! :)
Aaah.. or, forget the "maybe" thing altogether because, if you are going to be that worthy then you better get this straight- I'm not gonna let you go anywhere!
Anyways, enough mumbo jumbo! Celebrate and have an amazing Valentine's Day - those of you who already have plans with your Valentine and for the rest of you, like me, who are still in quest of the same, just keep your fingers crossed, because the one you are looking for might just be around the corner :)
Posted by Anubha at 3:30 AM